OT T' was the nab before Christmas

From : redneck tookover hell

Q: the nab before christmas by ken young twas twelve days before christmas when all through iraq one creature was stirring hiding under a rock; the styrofoam was hung over the rat hole with care in hopes the 4th infantry wouldnt look there; ol saddam was nestled all snug in his bed while visions of a comeback danced in his head; and nestled beside him in a black briefcase was three quarters of a mil in bills hard to trace. when up above him there arose such a clatter he sprang from his bed to see what was the matter. away to the trapdoor he flew like a thistle looked up the rat hole and threw down his pistol. the light from above on his crest-fallen face showed his captors that he would give up the chase cause what to his weary eyes should appear but a us soldier and eight more at the rear they saw a cowering rat whod been on the lam and they knew in a moment it must be saddam. more rapid than eagles his curses they came and he whimpered and mumbled and called them some names; now boys dont be hasty! now guys i must mention that you mustnt forget the geneva convention! then out of his hole they dragged his sorry butt and checked him for weapons and searched the hut. as dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly when they meet with an obstacle mount to the sky so up to their headquarters the captors they flew with the briefcase full of cash and ol saddam too. and then in a twinkling they made the id there was no mistake it really was he. as they peeled off his jacket and checked his tattoos cnn was right there to transmit the good . he was dressed like a beggar from his head to his foot and his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot; a bundle of money he had stashed by his side and he looked like a loser whod lost all his pride. his cheeks-- how hollow! his head full of hay! he was definitely having a bad-hair day! his smart-ass mouth was drawn up in a sneer and he just mumbled whatre you guys doing here a rats nest of a beard covered his forlorn face and they could tell hed been running on an eight-month chase; he had lost some weight but still was quite stocky and he trembled in fear and raved in iraqi. he was sallow and drawn an almost pitiful work but no one felt sorry for the worthless jerk; the resignation in his eye and the hang of his head soon gave all to know they had nothing to dread; he spoke not a truth but went straight to his lies and dodged all the questions; then turned with a sigh and laying his finger aside of his nose shot the bird to his captors as his cell door closed; he sank down on his cot to his guards gave a mutter and then sadly begged could i have some supper. but i heard him exclaim as he formed his hands in a prayerful steeple praise be to allah; just dont turn me over to the iraqi people. ill start watching reality tv shows when i can vote people off the planet. .

Replies:

From : gwb

i know some of you have removed the badging from your trucks. i need to get one of mine off and im not sure how to do it without scratching the paint. hair dryer and fishing line. use the hair dryer to warm the area and the fishing line to slip behind the badge. use a sawing motion to cut through the adhesive and remove the badge. clean the residue with goo-off or wd-40. .

From : gwb

two weeks before christmas! twas two weeks before christmas and all through iraq the people still worried that saddam would be back. the soldiers went out on their nightly patrols capturing the bad guys was always their goal! with raids seeming endless in the triangle sunni we hoped that not all of iraq was so looney! we gathered the tribe of saddam in tikrit and suddenly now they all started to snitch! they told of a farm where hussein just might be odierno then called on our boys- from the great 4th id! more rapid than baathists our soldiers they came and he whistled and shouted and called them by name now delta now rangers now cavalry too! on green hats on pilots i need all of you! go to that farm and secure it right now! capture his ass- you guys know how! off went our soldiers under cover of night so stealthy so quiet with no trace of light while we back at home were eating our lunches our boys on the ground were following hunches! and then it was time for the raid to begin. the first target came up -empty within! could it be our intel was wrong once again no! somewhere nearby is the wolf in his den! and then in a twinkling camouflage torn away in a hole in the ground did their quarry lay dazed and confused right at them he looked did the stupid old fool know his goose was now cooked he was dressed all in rags from his toes to his head and his beard was as matted as 12 day-old bread! how the mighty had fallen could this be hussein one look in his eyes was to know hes insane! our boys got their man - how proud we all are the relief in our country is felt near and far a bath he has had now -yet hell never be clean forever tainted with mass torture and his fayhadeen to our soldiers we give our undying respect you always give more than we ever expect we hope you can have now a night with some fun your loved ones back home say- job damn well done! deborah - proud airborne mom 101st 14 december 2003 twas the night of the capture! twas 13th december when deep in iraq the 4th i.d. had a big enemy to track. saddams stockings were smelly from months on the lam in hopes that dean or kerry would soon take command. our soldiers were nestled in their desert humvees theyd been told they were hunting iraqi v.i.ps. and saddam with head lice infesting his cap had just settled down for an iraqi-type nap. when out on the farm there arose such a clatter he sprang from his shack to see what was the matter. away to his hideout he flew in a snit tore open his pants leaping into the pit. the searchlight on the dictator now caught in our snare gave the lustre of mid-day to his nasty wild hair. when what to our soldiers wide eyes should appear but a bedraggled old dictator cowering in fear! beneath the dirty old beard and the lice in his mane they were amazed to discover that it was saddam hussein. more rapid than eagles they called up old rummy and he whistled and shouted and said this is yummy! now condi! now sanchez! now cheney and bush! on tv! on radio! and free republic! lets rush! to the top of the ! get this video on! call fnc first! then dan rather and tom! as a gloved doctor examined the smelly old goat he shoved a big wooden stick down saddams nasty throat. around the world in a flash the footage it flew as the french and russians gulped wondering what we now knew. and then in a twinkling we heard from our leader as he confirmed the capture of the despotic bottom feeder. as he concluded his announcement they replayed the scene weve heard nothing from clark and nothing from dean. saddam was covered in filth from his head to his foot and his clothes were all greasy with ashes and soot. a bundle of money he had flung on his back and he looked like a peddler whod sold out to chirac. his eyes-how they sagged! his dimples now pits! his forehead was covered with curious zits! his head was examined for vermin and lice shaved his face of the beard that was his disguise. a large piece of wood was probed in his mouth and we dont even know if the gloved hand went south. he still had a fat face but had lost his round belly his clothes were a shambles and his feet downright smelly. he was skinny and drawn the lying old coward and i laughed when i thought of the speech made by howard; but the spin of the media and a liberal talking head soon gave me to know i had nothing to dread. dean spoke not a word; kerry went straight to work and tried to get airtime sounds just like the jerk. bush kept it short not given to prose and giving a nod up the polls he rose. he sprang back to work to his team gave a whistle and to d.c. they flew like the down of a thistle. but i heard him exclaim as he went on his way happy christmas to all and god bless the usa! .

From : uguineapignosey

thanks scott for the great information now this puts a new spin on the deal. would i be able to pick up the extra warrenty coverage for this when i sign the finance papers and would it be worth it. .

From : nosey

redneck tookover hell wrote the nab before christmas by ken young 8- - - it looks like the planning is going more smoothly over there than it is here at home. the president has authorized the department of defense to assist santa with the twelve days of xmas. status of acquisitions follows day 1 - partridge in a pear tree the army and air force are in the process of deciding whose area of responsibility day 1 falls under. since the partridge is a bird the air force believes it should have the lead. the army however feels trees are part of the land component commands area of responsibility. after three months of discussion and repeated opsdeps tank sessions a $1 million study has been commissioned to decide who should lead this joint program. day 2 - two turtle doves since doves are birds the air force claims responsibility. however turtles are amphibious so the navy-marine corps team feels it should take the lead. initial studies have shown that turtles and doves may have interoperability problems. terms of reference are being coordinated for a four-year $10 million darpa study. day 3 - three french hens at state department instigation the senate committee on foreign affairs has blocked offshore purchase of hens from the french or anyone else. a $6 million program is being developed to find an acceptable domestic alternative. day 4 - four calling birds source selection has been completed with the contract awarded to at&t. however the award is being challenged by a small disadvantaged business. day 5 - five golden rings no available rings meet milspec for gold plating. a three-year $5 million accelerated development program has been initiated. day 6 - six geese a-laying the six geese have been acquired. however the shells of their eggs seem to be very fragile. it might have been a mistake to build the production facility on a nuclear waste dump at former air force base that was closed under the base relocation assessment commission. day 7 - seven swans a-swimming fourteen swans have been killed trying to get through the navy seal training program. the program has been put on hold while the training procedures are reviewed to determine why the washout rate is so high. day 8 - eight maids a-milking the entire class of maid-milking training program at aberdeen is involved in a sexual harassment suit against the army. the program has been put on hold pending resolution of the lawsuit. day 9 - nine ladies dancing recruitment of the ladies dancing has been halted by a lawsuit from the dont ask dont tell association. members claim they have a right to dance and wear womens clothing as long as theyre off duty. day 10 - ten lords a-leaping the ten lords have been abducted by terrorists. congress has approved $2 million in funding to conduct a rescue operation. army special forces and a marine corps marine expeditionary unit special operations command are conducting a neo-off competition for the right to rescue. day 11 - eleven pipers piping the pipe contractor delivered the pipes on time. however he thought department of defense wanted smoking pipes. dod lost the claim due to defective specifications. a $22 million retrofit program is in process to bring the pipes into spec. day 12 - twelve drummers drumming due to cutbacks only six billets are available for drumming drummers. department of defense is in the process of coordinating an request for proposal to obtain the six additional drummers by outsourcing; however funds will not be available until fiscal year 05. as a result of the above-mentioned programmatic delays and due to a high operational tempo that requires diversion of modernization funds to support current readiness xmas is hereby postponed until further notice... .